Want to leave New York for Bengaluru: 'Am I a loser?' asks Reddit user after living 4.5 years with cultural shock abroad

In an increasingly globalised world, many Indians who move abroad in search of better opportunities often find themselves facing a deeper question over time — where do they truly belong? The promise of life in the West can come with unexpected emotional and cultural costs, leading some to reconsider the value of home. A recent Reddit post by an Indian highlights this internal conflict, as the user, after spending years in Sydney and New York, wonders whether returning to Bengaluru would be a step backward — or a step toward feeling whole again.

The user, who lived in Kolkata, Hyderabad, and Bengaluru before moving abroad, shared a deeply personal account of feeling out of place in the West, despite the career and lifestyle benefits it offered. The post, titled “Am I a loser if I wanna return to India?”, opened the door for a wide-ranging discussion about identity, culture shock, loneliness, and whether returning home should be seen as failure.

Feeling Out of Place in Western Culture
The original poster, who spent 1.5 years in Sydney and another three in New York City, explained that despite professional growth, there remained a persistent sense of disconnection. Conversations with non-Indians often left him feeling isolated. The casualness of Western friendships, the individualism, and a focus on appearance felt superficial and unfamiliar. Reflecting on his upbringing in India, the user shared how his school and college years were driven by academic pressure, not socializing, partying, or dating — making the Western lifestyle feel alienating rather than aspirational.

Dating, in particular, was a cultural clash. The poster pointed out that the norm of having multiple sexual partners by one’s mid-20s, commonly accepted in the U.S., felt jarring. Compared to India, where dating still remains limited to certain urban circles, he found the attitudes abroad overwhelming.

‘You Are Not a Loser’—Reddit Weighs In
Redditors were quick to respond with mixed, often passionate, opinions. Many users reassured him that choosing to return doesn’t make him a failure. One user encouraged him to follow his instincts and prioritize his happiness. Others reminded him, however, that Indian society is rapidly changing too — especially in tier-1 and tier-2 cities. Several noted that hookup culture, dating apps, and social superficiality are no longer unique to the West.

Some commenters urged caution. A few pointed out that he might feel alienated in India as well, given the ongoing cultural shift. Others suggested a trial return before making a full move, especially since work-from-home wasn’t an option for him. A proposed transfer to a Bengaluru office within six months seemed like a practical path forward.

Critics Say Grass Isn’t Greener Anywhere
Not everyone was sympathetic. Some accused the poster of chasing a fantasy, suggesting he was disillusioned with both worlds. One commenter remarked that people in India are also caught in a rat race and obsessed with Western ideals. Another criticized the notion of returning after “abandoning” India in pursuit of a better life, while some NRIs confessed they too were tired of the West and longed for the cultural familiarity of home.

A few Reddit users took a more cynical tone. They claimed India, too, has adopted superficial values and casual relationships, warning that returning wouldn’t resolve the poster’s deeper discontent. Others advised him not to return unless his quality of life, salary, and career prospects could remain stable.

Beyond personal experiences, many saw the post as emblematic of a broader identity crisis among NRIs. Some users noted that modern society—regardless of location—often emphasizes individualism over meaningful human connection. As one Redditor put it, the user’s struggle wasn’t about geography but about reconciling internal values with external realities.