Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary should be quaking in his boots at this reaction

For my money torture equipment reached its apotheosis in the Middle Ages - glory be, those Catholics knew how to take agonising human suffering to truly mind-blowing levels. Everyone is familiar with the iron maiden of course, and the rack and maybe the wheel. But what about the Pear of Anguish? An evil cast iron device inserted into the mouth to prise apart the jaws until they were wrecked? Or the iron chair? A sort of furniture version of the iron maiden sporting an impressive 500 spikes and restraints which could tightened to excruciating fatality.

Or my particular favourite for its sheer unadulterated crazed horrific evil, the Spanish Donkey (designed, as you may have guessed, for that legendary kindly Catholic ecumenical mission that was the Spanish Inquisition). The Spanish Donkey was a sharp ridge which the hapless blasphemer was forced to sit on as more and more weights were attached to his ankles... allowing gravity to do its thing and eventually splitting him in half.

It truly makes you wonder how a human being can conceive of a device so fiendish, so awful, so dreadful, so inhuman. Which brings me to the new "standing-up" airline seats, which could be in service on a budget airline near you by 2026.

Like the above mediaeval torture devices it is difficult to describe the full horror this concept sparks in the average traveller. Let me try and explain.

Instead of sitting down, safely strapped into a seat, y'know, as mandated by the Federal Aviation Administration in the US and Aviation Safety Agency over here, passengers would perch on bicycle seats, in a standing position, but raked back a few degrees.

Passengers in full possession of a pair of testicles may shudder in horror at this point. Look at the pictures chaps and tell me your nuts aren't already aching. But it's not just men.

These "seats" might just about squeeze a Kate Moss into them but the slightly larger lady (or man) will definitely be going by train. As one X wag said: "Can't wait until the plus size influencers find these...."

Quite.

I know this isn't the 1960s (more's the pity) and the glamour of air travel on marques like BOAC and Pan Am is long gone, but does this really sound like putting passenger safety and comfort first?

No, me neither.

Sound like an attempt to make budget air travel even more inhuman?

Yep, me too.

You might think the whole idea was dreamt-up by Greta Thunberg in an attempt to put people off flying forever.

But no, it's a concept being pushed by manufacturer Aviointeriors who, with admirable candour, say it will increase passenger capacity by 20%.

In a statement (admittedly from 2018) Aviointeriors said: "The Skyrider 2.0 is an innovative seat. It allows an ultra-high density in the aircraft cabin. Skyrider 2.0 opens the travelling experience to a wider passenger market, creating also a useful space for the introduction of mixed classes boarded on the same aircraft."

Mixed classes? Perish the thought! Don't they know we're British?

It goes on: "Its main feature is the original bottom that ensures an increased upright passenger position allowing installation of the seat at a reduced pitch, while maintaining an adequate comfort.

"The design of this seat enables [carriers] to increase the passenger number by 20 percent allowing increasing profits for airline companies."

So, "ultra-high density", "adequate comfort" and "increased profits for airline companies" - just what every passenger craves.

Social media rarely warms the cockles but today voices seemed united in condemning standing-up in planes as a very, very bad idea indeed.

Some pointed to safety with one airline industry insider saying: "Never gonna happen. Can't meet the guidelines for aircraft exit times in emergencies. You'd need more doors for that 20% additional and you just can't put them anywhere you feel like."

One less charitable yet just as pertinent scribbler said: "Fat chicks are going to throw a fit."

But my favourite for capturing today's sceptical zeitgeist was a Tweeter called Talon Force who depressingly but accurately pointed out: "This is society and civilization moving in reverse. Almost nothing is better...almost everything is worse."

Wise words which should put Michael O'Leary's - and every other budget airline - on notice.